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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879928">got my spine | got my orange crush</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aratakachaan/pseuds/matsutake'>matsutake (aratakachaan)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>holy shit dirk is trans [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aromantic Jake English, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Earth C (Homestuck), M/M, Messy, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Roxy Lalonde, POV Dirk Strider, POV Second Person, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Trans Dirk Strider, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Dirk Strider, Vaginal Fingering</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:54:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,067</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879928</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aratakachaan/pseuds/matsutake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time you kissed Jake, you were both 18. It was messy and never implied any real feelings.<br/>When you turned 21, you had a private birthday party with Jake, and you might have done a bit more than kissing while you were slightly intoxicated.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jake English &amp; Dirk Strider, Jake English/Dirk Strider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>holy shit dirk is trans [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806172</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've been getting way too much into Dirkjake lately so I just wanted to write somewhat of an inconsistent drabble, that focuses on different parts of their life while they are also in denial about both having feelings for each other. Fun times.</p><p>Dirk being trans is more relevant to the plot. Gonna use terms like pussy, cunt, etc as a forewarn just in case that makes you uncomfy. He's post top surgery so no robertsons (that means boobs fyi).</p><p>Song in the title is Orange Crush by R.E.M</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="dirk">High on the roof<br/>
Thin the blood<br/>
Another one came on the waves tonight<br/>
Coming in, you’re home</span>
</p><p>♥♥</p><p>♥♥</p><p><span class="jake">golgothasTerror [GT]</span>

<span class="pesterlog">began pestering</span>

<span class="dirk">timaeusTestified [TT]</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="jake">GT: You there dirk? Or am i talking to your friggin shades again. I really hope not.<br/>
GT: Anyway i messaged you to say happy birthday! Youre finally catching up with the rest of us and turning the big one eight. Now you can join me in seeing R rated flicks at the theater. Heh just kidding, but also not really.<br/>
GT: I heard roxy was going to be holding a party for you. I did get you a present in case you were wondering and no its not a stuffed rabbit. I think weve had quite enough of those to be frank.<br/>
GT: Anyhoo im getting ready right now to go to roxys place. Lets hope i dont show up fashionably late eh? *gentlemanly wink*</span>
</p><p><span class="jake">golgothasTerror [GT]</span> <span class="pesterlog">ceased pestering</span> <span class="dirk">timaeusTestied [TT]</span></p><p>
  <span class="dirk">TT: Wait, Jake, you still there?<br/>
TT: Goddammit. Fucking Jake English.</span>
</p><p>✰✰</p><p>Your name is <span class="dirk">DIRK STRIDER</span>. Today just happened to be December 3rd, 2427. You have just turned EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD, so you are somewhat the vague idea of an ADULT now.</p><p>You stood near a table full of snacks and drinks in your friend ROXY'S house. ROXY is very cool and you like hanging out with them. JADE HARLEY was also there, and you watched her chat with Roxy. You wondered about where JANE CROCKER was until you remembered she's probably doing some shit involving CROCKERCORP or whatever. You are TIRED of writing things in ALL CAPS.</p><p>What will you do?</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">
    <span class="u">&gt; Dirk: Wait for Jake to arrive.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>You were still waiting for the appearance of your bestest bro, Jake. You casually sipped an orange <span class="dirk">Crush</span>® as you tapped your foot, wondering why he was late when he specifically said that he'd be on time.</p><p>As if by fate, Jake opened the door and waltzed in; he was holding a wrapped box with a pretty orange bow on top. Roxy went over to greet him.</p><p>"Hey, Jakey!" Roxy said enthusiastically. "Glad you finally made it. I think Dirk is just over there getting totally wasted on soda." They gestured their head over to where Dirk was standing.</p><p>"Okay, thanks muchly, Roxy." Jake said, voice chipper. "And hello, Jade!"</p><p>"Hey, Jake!!" Jade replied brightly. "I'm pretty sure Dirk wants to talk to you more than either me or Roxy do. I mean, it's <em>his</em> birthday, after all."</p><p>Jake slapped a hand against his forehead. "Oh darn, you're right! I should be putting all my focus on the birthday bro!" You looked up to see Jake there, and he returned the glance. Not that he could see your eyes behind your shades or anything.</p><p>Jake approached you, and you nodded silently at him, finishing your drink. "Sup," you said nonchalantly; you were excited to see Jake, but almost annoyed at his lack of keeping his promises.</p><p>"Hey, Dirk! Happy 18th birthday! You're getting so old now," Jake said with a hearty chuckle. "You're gonna start feeling your fragile bones and muscles cracking everywhere soon, I'm sure."</p><p>You gave him a wry attempt at a smile. "You're a funny guy, Jake," you said dryly. "So what'd you get me? A dildo?"</p><p>Jake was taken back at your sudden crude comment. "Jesus Christmas, man, I'd rather get you something a bit more meaningful than *that*. What kind of friend do you take me for?" He put the package on the snack table near the rest of the gifts, which were still unopened.</p><p>Things had been rather awkward between you and Jake for quite some time. It had been 2 years now since the defeat of the Batterwitch, and 2 years since you broke up with him. Jake was still your friend and everything, but sometimes you would overthink how you feel about him, or vice versa.</p><p>"It's time for cake, bitches!" Roxy yelled across the room. "We tried following a good recipe and --"</p><p>"Roxy," Jade spoke, "Do you smell something burning or is that just me?"</p><p>"Oh shit!" Roxy exclaimed in horror, then ran into the kitchen, Jade following close behind.</p><p>Jake was laughing gleefully at his friends' mishap. You wanted to be having fun with him, but you were dealing with sudden overwhelming thoughts about adulthood, relationships, and, well, <em>Jake</em>.</p><p>"Kiss me, Jake."</p><p>Jake was still laughing a bit, until he stopped dead in his tracks, looking directly at you. "Could you run that by me again?"</p><p>"Come over here and kiss me."</p><p>This was probably incredibly irresponsible on your part, deciding to just cut through the awkward exes phase like a sword slicing through a slab of butter. <em>Better to get it over with now then worry about what you didn't do later</em>, you thought.</p><p>Jake tugged at his collar. "Well, you are a great fella and all, Dirk, and I'm glad to be your friend," he began rambling. "I'm not entirely against the idea! It just seems kind of fast, y'know? Like at least take a guy out to friggin dinner first, am I right?"</p><p>Trying not to seem too needy (and probably failing), you leaned closer towards Jake.</p><p>You had both never kissed each other before. It was just one of those things that you felt like you needed to do before you died.</p><p>"I mean, would you be okay with it?" Your voice had a sudden softness to it, your fingers holding onto the hem of Jake's shirt. You were nothing if not courteous and wouldn't dream of forcing that shit on your best bro.</p><p>Jake gulped, and then he gave you a warm smile. "Yes, I'd like it very much, I think."</p><p>You were the one who initiated the first move. You realized that your lips were probably kind of dry, but you tried your best to impress Jake with your kissing bravado. Which was non-existent, you realized, as your teeth pushed together and you weren't entirely sure where your tongue was supposed to go through this whole ordeal.</p><p>"Okay, we fixed what we could of the cake, who wants some?" Jade's voice could be heard as she exited the kitchen. "Jake? Dirk? Are you guys-"</p><p>Jake pulled away from the amateur level of a kiss, and saw that Jade was looking at the both of you. "Aw, crap."</p><p>✰✰</p><p>✰✰</p><p>
  <span class="pesterlog">Years in the future,<br/>
but not many.</span>
</p><p><span class="dirk">timaeusTestified [TT]</span> <span class="pesterlog">began pestering</span> <span class="jake">golgothasTerror [GT]</span></p><p>
  <span class="dirk">TT: Yo, Jake.<br/>
TT: I'm not sure if you were aware or not but it's my birthday today. My twenty first. Insert comment about me being old here.<br/>
TT: I thought about having it with a bunch of our friends but, truth be fucking told, I'm tired today and don't have much energy to deal with a bunch of people.<br/>
TT: But it'd be cool if you came over, to my special private birthday party. Some quality alone time with the D-Man. If you're up for that kind of thing, I don't fucking know.<br/>
TT: Anyway, later, dude.</span>
</p><p><span class="dirk">timaeusTestified [TT]</span> <span class="pesterlog">ceased pestering</span> <span class="jake">golgothasTerror [GT]</span></p><p>
  <span class="jake">GT: Dirk you lousy scoundrel.<br/>
GT: I havent even gotten dressed yet for the day! Im still in my jammies for cripes sake!!</span>
</p><p>✰✰</p><p>You were passing the time in your room, seated at your work bench; you were pretty focused on fixing up some loose robotic odds n ends, mostly arms and legs that broke off.</p><p>Then there was an unnecessarily loud knock on your bedroom door. "Come in," you said, rather monotone, knowing full well it was Jake.</p><p>And just as you thought, Jake burst open the door and waltzed in. You swirled your work chair around to face him. Jake seemed to be dressing nicer than usual; instead of just a <span class="jake">green skull</span> t-shirt and shorts, he was wearing... suspender shorts over a <span class="jake">green skull</span> t-shirt. And a bowtie. His hair looked pretty nice, though, very slicked back and almost shiny.</p><p>"I'm here, Dirk!"</p><p>"I can see that," you said with a flat chuckle. Most of the time, if anyone made you laugh, it would usually be Jake, and it was more of a sardonic laugh because he was always such a dorky loser. But Jake was endearing, in his own way; at least to you, and that's what mattered. Though somehow both of your views on your relationship could be considered <em>complicated</em>, <em>inconsistent</em>, and <em>somebody please just force us to confess how we feel to each other</em>. You tried that with your AR a long time ago which arguably made things much worse.</p><p>Jake walked over to your bed and sat on the edge casually. "Pardon my manners, but erm," he said, with a hint of nerves in his voice. "I couldn't get you a present this year, bro. I'm really sorry, I got caught up in so much ridiculous shit lately, that before I realized it, it was too late. Hope you can find it in your <em>heart</em>," he snickered, "to forgive a fella like me."</p><p>Jake genuinely looked rather down in the dumps. You didn't want to see your best bro sad on your special day. "Hey, don't worry about it. I've got enough presents from you over the past years to have like, a museum of Jake English presents. S'all good, dude." You gave him a rare Strider smile, for his eyes only. You saw Jake smile back and things felt a bit more at ease.</p><p>"Did anyone else get you anything?" Jake asked out of curiosity.</p><p>He watched you wheel your chair over to underneath your turntable and DJ equipment, and pulled out some brown paper bags from underneath. "I'm pretty sure in an attempt to stop themselves from drinking anymore, Roxy decided to dump their booze on me, unwillingly. It's vodka. Never had the stuff but I'm almost itching to try; responsibly, of course."</p><p>Jake scratched the back of his head and had an unsure expression. "I've had vodka before. Usually only shots, I never just drink it straight from the bottle. My alcohol habits usually lean towards scotch, not that I have it very often anyway." </p><p>There was a moment of silence between the two of you ― but you figured you knew what was going through both of your minds. "Here's an idea," Jake proposed. "If you have some <span class="dirk">Crush</span>®, then you can probably just put a bit of vodka in it and drink it like that. Sound like a plan?"</p><p>You rubbed your chin, and then nodded. "Sounds like a motherfucking plan, dude." You stood up to approach your mini fridge that was in a far off left corner in your room. It was filled with various drinks of the orange-flavor variety, and at least one <span class="jake">Monster</span>®, which you're not sure where that came from.</p><p>You grabbed two bottles of soda, closed the fridge, and went over to where Jake was, sitting to the right of him on the edge of your bed. "Not that I'm an expert at this or anything," Jake spoke up, "But it would be easier if we had cups, don't you think?"</p><p>You nodded. "Oh yeah. Right." You didn't really care enough to want to get cups, though. "Look, we can just drink most of the soda half-way, and then pour a bit of vodka into each bottle."</p><p>Jake looked confused. "You'd probably spill some on your bedsheets."</p><p>"I'm a grown-ass man now, Jake. I don't live by society's rules and I won't let anyone tell me what to do. I'm a renegade in this atomic age; an atomic age of renegades, you could even say."</p><p>"Well, if you say so, bro," Jake said with a grin, entirely trusting you which was his first mistake.</p><p>You were just drinking your favorite fizzy drink in a standard fashion. You swore that Jake was looking at you as you did, not that there was anything special about watching you drink soda. But at least he wouldn't notice you looking back behind your shades, which was a win for you in this situation. </p><p>Jake definitely looked a lot different compared to the Jake English you knew years prior. A lot bigger, to put it bluntly. His muscles were much more defined, and they looked nice to touch (not that this was something you thought about often). You were amused at his attempt to grow a mustache; it would be a while before his dream was realized, so for now it was just a lot of patchy peach fuzz above his lip.</p><p>"Okay, broseph," you began, "hand me the drank."</p><p>"The what?"</p><p>"Drank. Vernacular. T-Pain, Buy You A Drank. You're so out of the loop on what's cool." </p><p>You briskly grabbed it from him anyway, opened the cap with ease, and steadily attempted to pour it in the soda bottle so it wouldn't overflow everywhere and make you look like a tool. You then handed the vodka back to Jake, and watched as he attempted to do the same as you, except a lot more messy. You had to give him points for trying.</p><p>"Well," Jake said confidently. "Bottoms up and all that. Let's do this, man."</p><p>"Hell fucking yes," you said in response. You took a rather big gulp, whether it was intentional or not, and had to cough for a second as you dealt with the unexpected aftertaste of the alcohol.</p><p>"Gosh, Dirk, you're not supposed to drink that much at once!" Jake told you matter-of-factly. "You're gonna make yourself sick that way, christ sake." He pat you on the shoulder, as you straightened your posture to retain looking cool.</p><p>"I totally knew that," you lied. "What do you take me for, English? A pussy? Are you calling me a goddamn pussy in my own abode?"</p><p>"I could probably call you a lot worse if I really wanted to," Jake said with a goofy laugh. "You chucklefuck."</p><p>You looked at him with a grin; going back to drinking your concoction, a bit slower this time. There was a tension in the air that you couldn't quite place. It became all too startingly real to think that not only were you with Jake in your bedroom, but you were also getting vaguely intoxicated. This allowed your mind to wander, and you had to mentally slap yourself from letting it go too far down the gutter.</p><p><em>Is that how we deal with our feelings?</em>, you thought. <em>Just fuck them into oblivion? You should be way better at this, Strider</em>. Lost in your calculated thoughts, it took you a second to notice that Jake's palm had been grazed over the top of your hand. <em>Is he really the one making the first move? That suave bastard</em>.</p><p>"You know," you spoke up, voice a bit more assertive than usual. "I appreciate that you're taking it slow instead of just immediately fucking my brains out." You let out an unexpected laugh, a bit louder than normal; you were buzzed, at the very least.</p><p>"What made you assume I was even thinking that, Dirk? Really? I know I'm a quote unquote sex object but I have a bit more dignity than that, especially on a date."</p><p>You began to blush, involuntarily. "Oh, god. Don't call this a date, Jake. We're literally just in my room. If you really wanted to woo me, you'd take me to <span class="dave">Olive Garden</span>®. Take a mental note of that for next time, maybe my 22nd birthday."</p><p>Jake raised his eyebrow at you, looking surprised. "You've barely drank that much and you're already being all flirty with me. Feels weird coming from you, I feel like it's usually me who's bootin the caboose and making double innuendos."</p><p>You let out a laugh again. "What did I tell you? I'm not a pussy."</p><p>"You know, I never even called you that in the first place, you just thought that I would."</p><p>You jokingly (or not, it was hard to tell) punched Jake in the shoulder. "You're so fuckin' funny, dude. Hilarious. Should be a goddamn stand-up comedian."</p><p>"I would suspect that you are tipsy at this point."</p><p>"No shit, Sherlock."</p><p>Jake wasn't sure whether to be impressed with your boldness or concerned. He didn't want it to lead to you making a decision you would later regret, such as sexual intercourse with your ongoing friend-but-more-than-friend friend. "Hey, do you remember when we kissed for the first time, on your 18th birthday?" Jake asked.</p><p>"Yeah, it sucked ass. Worst kiss ever."</p><p>Jake felt a sly grin creep across his lips. "Would you ever consider trying to fix it? Maybe having another go, not as much teeth this time?"</p><p>You just stared at Jake for a minute, eyebrows knitted. "Fuck you."</p><p>"I mean, if you want."</p><p>You punched Jake again, much harder than before, but due to how much bigger he was than you, it probably just felt like a swat. "Maybe I'm not that easy. Maybe I need to be impressed. Striders are nothing if not smooth and seemingly detached from their intimate endeavors. Gotta pay the toll to get into the hole, y'know?"</p><p>Jake released a dragged out sigh. "Geez, man, and I thought <em>I</em> talked too much. Maybe I can shut you up." Jake put his fingers tenderly against your cheek, turning your head towards him, and he went in for the plunge, placing his lips gingerly against yours.</p><p><em>Wow. It doesn't feel like total ass this time</em>. You took the time to actually appreciate what was happening, letting Jake's soft lips push against yours, no urgency in the kiss. You wanted to return it with just as much aplomb, but you still weren't that experienced. You felt like he kind of helped you along regardless, going smoothly, opening your mouth and giving tiny lip bites. Though when you opened your lips another time, Jake spent no time waiting to slide his tongue into your mouth.</p><p><em>Shit. He's actually good at this</em>.</p><p>You spontaneously released a low, quiet groan from between your now swollen lips. For years you thought Jake's "dashing gentleman" thing was just an act to seem cooler than he actually was. You kept pushing against his mouth more, swirling your own tongue around, trying to get a feel for it so it would be saved to muscle memory. Maybe it was the alcohol (no, it totally was), but your now warm cunt already decided it would get slick and wet on your behalf. <em>Great</em>. <em>Perfect</em>. Jake was eager to put his hand under your shirt and place a hand on your stomach, causing you to unintentionally shiver.</p><p>Jake pulled away from the kiss. "Wait, was that okay? I'm sorry, Dirk, I-"</p><p>You shook your head. "No, it's fine. Just surprised me, is all." You then gave him a nod of assurance. "Keep going."</p><p>Jake still hesitated to continue. "Aw drat, I never even considered how far we would actually, um, go with this." He put a hand on your waist and you appreciated the touch. "What do you want to do?"</p><p>"Jake," you said flatly, hand on his shoulder. "It's my birthday. I'm kind of drunk. I want to fuck. I want you to fuck me. Happy motherfuckin' birthday to me, bitch."</p><p>Jake chuckled lightly, and you felt your insides melt <em>just</em> a little bit at how charming he is. <em>You hate Jake English</em>.</p><p>Both of Jake's hands were on each side of your waist now, and his kisses moved from your lips to along your jawline. Doing this with him just felt so comfortable. Until, as he was kissing along your neck, he hit an unexpected nerve as he heard you let out a gasp of what seemed to be pain.</p><p>"Dirk! Are you okay?" he asked, worried.</p><p>You gulped. "Y-Yeah. S'fine, just, kind of sensitive there." You put your own fingers along your neck. "Scar."</p><p>"Oh geez louise, I feel like a dick. I didn't even consider that." Jake gave you a few more soft, quick kisses on the lips. "My bad."</p><p>"Usually it only hurts a little. It's not serious, dude, I promise. I... usually end up kind of liking it, the more uh, aroused I am. Pain doesn't feel noticeable after a while."</p><p>Regardless of what you told him, Jake avoided your neck and moved onto your collarbone, nipping it with swift and warm kisses. You sighed deeply, feeling your body start to melt under Jake's touch. As much as you wanted to take your sweet time and cherish this moment you shared together with your "bestest bro", you forgot about your increasing wetness and it started to feel demanding. Like, hey, let me get in on the action, you selfish prick. You moved so that you sat on Jake's leg, while also attempting to push him back further on the bed so you both wouldn't topple off of it.</p><p>"Oh, so you're gonna top, then?" Jake said with a smirk.</p><p>"I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want, dude. Get ready for the unrated, uncut, definitive Strider sex experience. <em>Sexperience</em>, if you prefer." You heard him chortle and were tempted to slap him, playfully, as a bro.</p><p>You made sure Jake was laying back comfortably, your hands gripped on his shoulders. You hated to admit that you were getting desperate, but you didn't have all day and god you were horny. You sat atop his leg, your own legs wrapping around his, slowly beginning to buck your hips against him. Jake watched in awe at your sloppy thrusting and probably thought you needed a hand. He gripped onto your waist again, holding onto you tighter than usual, allowing you to do longer, more confident thrusts against him. Your voice cracked as needy whines poured from your lips. You wanted this more than you had ever realized in your life.</p><p>"That feel good, Dirk?"</p><p>You were panting. "Y-Yeah. Feels good." You felt your temples start to sweat. "Real fuckin' good." Jake felt your wetness start to seep through your jeans, and probably wondered why the both of you were still fully clothed. Jake attempted to reach for your jean zipper as he was still laying down, and watching him struggle, you chuckled and decided to do the job for him. Removing your belt in a swift motion, you pulled your jeans off and tossed them to the side carelessly.</p><p>"Um, Dirk, not to sound like a prickly pear or anything but," Jake questioned, "What is that design on your boxers?"</p><p>Your boxers were blue, a cute rainbow on the front with a lightning bolt going through it. "It's none of your fucking business, that's what it is."</p><p>"Okay, sheesh!!" Jake said playfully. "Now I have to take off my suspenders and everything... oh shucks."</p><p>You rolled your eyes. "I'll do that for you, dumbass." It felt like it took far too long, but eventually you removed the suspenders and shorts, and pulled his shirt off over his head afterward. You felt your cheeks flush hotly as you were exposed to his buff, hunky chest. Goddammit, why was he so fucking hot.</p><p>Jake smiled devilishly. "You like what you see there, Strider?"</p><p>"It's not bad. Acceptable, I suppose," you blatantly lied to his face. You started to lift your shirt off, feeling a bit of stage anxiety only because Jake was like, a fucking beefcake, and you weren't quite as built in the abs area. You did get quite a bit of exercise and worked out when you could, so you were barely just a stick of meat. In your head you considered yourself of the "twunk" status and rolled with it. Jake began to stroke his fingers against your warm skin, causing your body to shake so slightly again.</p><p>It was possible that you were touch starved. Maybe. Not that you'd ever let him know that. You relished in Jake stroking against your waist and down your hips. He then moved a hand right above the waistband of your boxers, so gently touching your pelvis, and you couldn't take it anymore.</p><p>"Just finger fuck me already, Jake, holy shit."</p><p>"Right! I was just getting to that, you know."</p><p>"Of course you were."</p><p>Jake decided to, in the best way that he could, get you on your back without you getting whiplash from it. You let out a small grunt at the sudden movement of your position; though you weren't really against it. Jake wasn't on top of you, though, as he chose to sit closer to the edge to get a better chance to touch you all over. But he started with your boxers again, deciding to slide his hand into them from underneath, while the other was holding onto one of your spread out thighs.</p><p>"Holy cheese pickles, Dirk," Jake exclaimed in amazement. "Has anyone ever told you how smooth your skin is? Fresh as a babe's bottom."</p><p>Again you rolled your eyes at his choice of words, but the compliment didn't go unnoticed. Jake's hand explored where you were the most wet, rubbing coursely against your hot and slick inner thigh. You shuddered, your moans sounding embarrassingly squeaky.</p><p>But it didn't seem to matter to Jake what you sounded like. "I love the noises you make," he told you sweetly. "I-I like knowing that I can make you feel good."</p><p>That was more cheesy than it had any business being. But it made you feel less insecure about the vocal pitch of your moans. Jake had obviously wanted to test the waters before he got too hasty and dive right in; so he started with a single digit, feeling around the area of your wet entrance before he very carefully inserted it in.</p><p>"J-Jake," you said, voice starting to stutter. "You can do more than that. This is big boy hours, not awkward teen virgins o'clock."</p><p>"Are you a virgin, Dirk?"</p><p>"I'm going to be if you don't fuck the shit out of me right now."</p><p>Jake just shrugged and went back to what he was doing. He proceeded to insert a second finger, watching your face as he did. He circled them around your inner walls, trying to see what got a grateful reaction from you. In almost an instant he crooked his fingers just right, and somehow happened to expose a very sensitive spot for you, causing you to cry out rather suddenly.</p><p>"Th-There, fuck, do that again," you urged him. Your arms were spread across your bed, hands holding tightly onto your bedsheets.</p><p>"You mean this?" Jake teased, voice rather husky, as he hit that spot again; just right, getting you to curse loudly and without inhibition. </p><p>You struggled to get the words you wanted to say out of your mouth. "Another."</p><p>"Pardon?"</p><p>"A-Another finger, Jake. God, please."</p><p>You hated losing your cool dude image during this situation and coming off as needy. But fuck it, you were needy. You wanted Jake so fucking much. Jake decided that it would be much easier to do this without the restriction of your boxers covering the way, as he slid them down your thighs; not completely off but enough to see all of your arousal.</p><p>"Ye gods, Dirk, you're... really friggin hot. Like, physically attractive. Wow."</p><p>You gave him a cocky smirk. "Tell me something I don't know, dude."</p><p>You somehow completely forgot to notice Jake's incredibly huge and obvious boner through his own boxers. It must feel pretty stuffy in there. But you had to admit that you were afraid at the thought of actual penetrative sex. Partially because you don't even remember if you had contraception, but it just seemed really overwhelming for the first time, if you could be honest with yourself. And obviously because you knew Jake's cock was huge. Would stretch your pussy to fucking hell and back. In the middle of your musings, you finally felt Jake's three (more like 2½) fingers stroking around inside of you. Fuck, this was hot. Your knuckles turned white as your grip on your sheets tightened.</p><p>"Jaa―<em>aaaaake</em>," you groaned in a pleading drawl, not caring how whiny you sounded. "J-Jake, fuck, fucking hell." You could barely speak coherently anymore, words falling apart in the midst of pleasure. You never even considered the thought of your pussy being able to fit that many fingers in there. You felt it start to tighten around his strong fingers, and you felt so goddamn relaxed. Jake was better at this than he had any right to be. He curiously decided to use his thumb to attempt to circle it around your clit. It took you by surprise and made you gasp. Your hips began to buck up and down under his touch, wanting to get as much from it as possible.</p><p>"This good, darlin'?" Jake's voice was so deep and coarse. God fucking damn.</p><p>"Yesss, Jake, fuckfuck," you spilled your words messily and without care. "J-Just keep doing that and I, a-ah!"</p><p>Jake looked pleased with himself when he hit another good nerve again, trying to repeat it another time, moving his thumb in a circular motion much quicker. Your body was about to short circuit. You couldn't take it much longer, your groans getting louder, your voice cracking as they did. "J-Jake, mm, I'm gonna.. I'm gonna.."</p><p>"Please come for me, sweetie pie."</p><p>In what felt like a nanosecond of time, thundering waves crashed all inside your body, your clit aching with ecstasy and your hips now flailing around wildly. "Jake, <em>fuck</em>, <em>fuuu―ckkkk</em>!"</p><p>Your unabashed cry rang so loud in the air and you didn't give a shit if a next door neighbor could hear it. You felt your legs go completely numb afterward, your hips falling back downward onto the bed. Your breathing was labored, but you were alright. Better than alright. It took you a handful of seconds for your head to stop being in the clouds and come back to earth. You looked at Jake, seeing him wipe sweat from his brow; but you knew something was missing.</p><p>"Jake," you said with a low, pleased groan, as you motioned your finger to get him to move closer. "C'mere, big guy. I wanna give you a little something in return for being such a <em>good</em> best friend." You were using your maximum levels of seduction for this one.</p><p>Jake looked puzzled. "And what would that be, Dirk?"</p><p>"Stuff your fuckin' dick in my mouth, you pussy," you said lovingly. "Get over here and put that fat ass on me." Jake probably appreciated the comment about his ass being big. "How do you even still have your boxers on, this whole time? God, your poor dick must be suffering in there."</p><p>"Hehe, well, maybe a little," Jake said nonchalantly. You laid back and watched as he finally removed his undergarments, gazing at his dick which literally spring out like a fucking slinky. Holy shit, it was big. It was fucking massive. <em>Jesus christ, Jake</em>. You were starting to second guess yourself and wonder if you could even fit it in your mouth, but you sure as hell wanted to try. Right before Jake was prepared to put himself inside you, you decided to make him swoon by removing your shades at the last minute. And just like you expected, he looked at you with a flustered expression, taken aback by your sparkling, <span class="dirk">creamsicle</span> irises.</p><p>"Oh, Dirk," Jake said with a saccharine sigh. "You're so handsome..."</p><p>"Dick. Mouth. C'mon. I ain't gettin' any younger."</p><p>"I must say I appreciate your affectionate and well-thought out phrasing, but yes, of course."</p><p>The both of you attempted to align yourselves in a way that was comfortable, Jake sitting his fat ass just a bit below your neck. You've never sucked a dick before in your life. First time for everything, you guess. But you watched enough porn of bipedal, anthropomorphic beings to get the idea. Jake started by simply letting your lips touch the tip, preparing them for the full entrance. You tried to get most of the head in your mouth as soon as you could; kind of struggling, quietly gagging just a little, pulling back for a second to breathe.</p><p>Jake stopped for a moment. "You good, man?"</p><p>You just flashed him a look of pure confidence and seduction. "Never been better." That wasn't entirely true. You got a little braver the second round it was going in, swiping your tongue around it as much as you could like a huge, sweaty, fleshy lollipop. Bad choice of words but whatever. You looked up and realized you could barely see Jake's face, which kind of sucked because you needed a reference point for if you knew what the fuck you were doing or not. But you figure unless he specifically complains, you're at least doing alright.</p><p>The more Jake English's huge fuckin' dick went further down your throat, the more difficult it became to not start choking, but fortunately Jake at least knew to pull back a bit if it seemed like you were overwhelmed. You felt like unlike clit fingering, which had a very precise and specific method, that dick sucking was kind of just a free-for-all mouth fest until your face was covered with a fat hot load of semen. <em>It looked a lot easier in porn</em>. But you did, at least, feel Jake's thighs begin to quiver, hearing low hums of pleasure escape his lips, and you gave yourself a gold star for that. First time sucking a dick and you're already a pro, as to be expected from Dirk goddamn Strider. But Jake must have really been bottling that pent up horniness pretty well, because he seemed like he wasn't even going to last very long. You licked a long stripe upward from beneath Jake's cock, trying to be totally sexy and porn star-ish as you did. A few more licks and you think you had him.</p><p>"Jesus friggin krinklefucker," Jake groaned crudely, his dick throbbing in your mouth. "I'm gonna god dang frickin come, Dirk."</p><p>Unable to make a witty comeback due to your mouth being stuffed with fat cock, you kissed and licked gently just at the very tip of Jake's huge goddamn boner. Almost trying to get a rhythm for it, to feel like you knew what you were doing. But then you felt Jake's weight start to quake, his voice letting out long, wheezing groans, and he even made an attempt to use his hand to finish it off; but it was too late. The deed had been done, as he came with a gruff moan ― and just as you predicted, his hot, dripping cum got all over your face. Luckily not in your eyes or hair.</p><p>"Holy," Jake gasped for air. "Fuckin toledo. H-Had you ever done that before, man?!"</p><p>You chuckled. "A master never reveals his secrets." <em>High five, brain</em>.</p><p>Jake just continued to let out loud gasps, before he scooched off of your body and immediately flopped onto the bed like a ragdoll. "Mmh, Dirk," Jake crooned. "That was a really good fuck."</p><p>"I mean, you did better for me than I did for you, so." You leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Thanks for the birthday present, babe."</p><p>Jake laughed goofily. "Ah yeah, I guess that does count as your present, huh?" He sighed as he pulled a comforter over himself, and you, trying to get into perfect post-sex cuddle mode. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."</p><p>You were about ready to pass the fuck out into sleepy land, but you glanced at Jake. "So does this mean we're like, boyfriends, again? Just wanted to clarify."</p><p>"Hmmmhm, maybe." Jake teased. "I'll let you know in the morning."</p><p>You hoped he would hold out on that promise. "You better not fuckin' forget, Jake."</p><p> But Jake was already fast asleep.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. epilogue: dirk and jake go to olive garden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>endless breadsticks</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's like 4am and I'm writing this because I've lost control of my life<br/>This is mostly a joke but I wanted to write some extra fluff. :B</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your name is <span class="dirk">DIRK STRIDER</span>, and as of right now, you were currently standing outside the front entrance of an OLIVE GARDEN. You were waiting for someone in particular, a person you knew was always late. Even though you expected this, you still felt bothered due to impatience. It was also the beginning of winter, so you had to be wrapped in an appropriately warm jacket, and an <span class="dirk">orange</span> scarf. You were tapping on the screen of your phone to distract yourself in the meantime.</p><p>By complete surprise, you felt a hand grasp onto your shoulder from beside you, causing you to yelp in an embarrassing fashion. You looked over to see a young man about your age, with dumb, nerdy glasses and a mustache that was still only about 50% done. <em>Of course it was Jake</em>. Almost gave you a fucking heart attack.</p><p>Jake smiled at you sheepishly. "Just having a bit of a jape with you there! But I do apologize for being late, you probably expect that from me now."  He gave you a wide, bright smile, casually reaching to hold onto your hand. "Shall we get something to eat, dear?"</p><p>You couldn't help but feel your mouth widen at Jake's presence. "You know it, babe. Let's get some motherfuckin' breadsticks up in this bitch," you replied, tightening the hold on his hand with your own.</p><p>Jake only momentarily moved away from the grip of your hand to get to the door before you, opening it for you in an expected Jake English fashion. He was bowing, for fuck's sake. "After you, my good sir," he said with a thick southern, gentlemanly accent.</p><p>"Thank you, Mister English. My hero," you hum with infatuation. "Gonna make me fuckin' swoon with this shit." Your words were neither ironic <em>nor</em> genuine; but Jake's good deed for you was pretty nice.</p><p>As you entered, Jake right behind you, you took a satisfying whiff of your surroundings. Smells of garlic, tomato sauce and carbs. You sighed in pure bliss. "Oh, Olive Garden, how I missed you," you spoke to yourself wistfully.</p><p>Jake was beside you again and held onto your hand another time. "Did you say something?"</p><p>Before you could say anything in response, the waiter at the front desk interrupted you. "Dinner for two?", they asked politely.</p><p>Jake nodded his head in affirmation. "Yes, please! Make sure we get the best seats in the house, huh? This is a pretty special occasion, I'll have you know!" He gave a cheeky wink towards the waiter, and they seemed uncomfortable by Jake's teasing enthusiasm.</p><p>You patted his held hand with your free hand, encouraging you to look at him. "Jake, sweetie, it's just Olive Garden," you told him in a hushed, but gentle voice. "There are no best seats, they're all the exact same."</p><p>Jake made an unimpressed noise. "Well that's kind of boring as dickens, isn't it. What's the point if I can't treat my partner to an extravagent, five star meal from only the finest culinary masters?!"</p><p>You shared a glance with the waiter and chuckled. "We're going to sit down now."</p><p>--</p><p>You and Jake were now both seated comfortably at a table. Unluckily for you, there were a lot of other people who decided to go to Olive Garden tonight, including a bunch of loud and misbehaving children, whose parents were yelling at them. But you tried to ignore that and looked at Jake, appreciating his comforting and familiar face.</p><p>Jake was looking through the menu he had received, while taking small breaks to sip his glass of water. "Wow, a lot of choices, huh," he said, seeming sincerely impressed which was cute of him. "I don't know where to start! Do you have any reccommendations, Dirk?"</p><p>You leaned across the table, towards Jake's face as if you were about to tell him a scandalous secret. "Mother. Fuckin'. Bread. Sticks," you cooed into his ear with a smooth whisper, almost in an attempt to woo him off his feet.</p><p>Jake didn't quite grasp your response at first, until he noticed that there was a complimentary basket full of long-shaped pieces of bread sitting in the middle of your table. "Oh gosh, how nice of them to leave this here for us. Give my regards to the chef afterward!" </p><p>You weren't going to. You were, however, about to go to fucking town on these sticks of bread. Jake looked at you in pure wonder as you crammed them in your mouth with ease. "Ah luv brid skicks," you muffled through a full mouth.</p><p>Jake was amused at your obvious enjoyment. "Maybe, if you're feeling rowdy later on, you can try imagining my pecker as one of those sticks of bread that you love so much." He gave you a classic English wink.</p><p>You almost choked on your food, and drank some water to help you swallow it. "Don't you ever- Don't you ever say that again to me." But Jake's pleased, boisterous laughter seemed to give you a different idea.</p><p>"Come now, pumpkin, it's all in good jest." He glanced through his menu for a bit longer. "Now, truly, tell me something you would eat from here. I'm as friggin hungry as a racehorse."</p><p>You flashed Jake a provocative grin, lifting your shades down slightly, giving him an intense gaze to let him know that you meant business. "If you were any kind of Italian cuisine aficionado, you would know to get the Endless Pasta Bowl." You completely removed your shades to look at him better. "It <em><strong>never</strong> ends,</em> Jake."</p><p>Jake seemed taken aback by your unique passion for pasta. "Gosh! Whatever you say, dear. I trust your judgement." He waved over to a server to let them know that he decided what he was going to order. You simply looked at him for a while, admiring his passionate personality, and the glint in his <span class="jake">emerald green</span> eyes.</p><p>You let out a fond sigh. "I love you, Jake," you murmured sweetly to him; and you were satisfied by his face instantly going bright red.</p><p>Jake was beaming towards you. "I... I mean, I love you too, Dirk!" His happy expression was the shit made of sunshine and rainbows. "I do hope this pasta truly never ends, as they claim, or else I'm going to file a lawsuit for ruining my date with my honey."</p><p>You gave a breathless chuckle, simply dizzy just by the thought of love; never in your 22 years of being alive would you have imagined feeling this way about someone. You leaned over the table once more to give him a sudden, but meaningful kiss right on the lips. "Sue their asses, baby."</p>
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